It has recently come to my attention... that gayse love a bit of their Grindr. Grindr, of course, being the nifty lil' phone app that lets you know which paftas are in the nearby vicinity, and in fact exactly how far away they are. This is either a modern miracle or the end of days, depending on your view. Either way, srsly guise, any second now they'll be dispensing trade from a vending machine on the Tokyo subway, at which point I will learn fucking Japanese.

If you've seen the Talking Poofy live show anytime in the last mesozoic era, you might have seen our live demonstration of a similar product, about ready to roll out of the TP Research Labs (proudly supported by the Ponds Institute) - Groandr!

Groandr is similar to Grindr in as much as it does give you information on the homosezzuals around you, but rather than indicate how far away they are as Grindr does, Groandr indicates how tedious they are in real life. This can save you valuable time, money and trips on the cross-town bus at 4 in the morning.